One of the first things new parents have to deal with is the sleep pattern of their infant, and lack of their own sleep. They are told their baby needs lots of sleep to grow and develop correctly, yet that same child never seems to sleep more than two hours at a time and typically wakes up just when the parents are in the middle of their own deep sleep. Sometimes the parents are told to ignore their baby when he or she wakes up (the “cry it out” method) and other advice suggests letting the child set his or her own schedule. In the middle are the parents – tired, frazzled and not quite sure what to do. Hopefully this article will help parents figure out a working system for themselves and their children when it comes to receiving adequate rest.
One of the first things to remember is that babies do need a lot of sleep. In fact, a newborn may need up to 20 hours of sleep per day. Of course, they don’t sleep this all at once. They wake up and eat and then need to rest again, only to wake up once more for an hour or two before needing to sleep again. As they get older, an infant’s need for sleep decreases gradually so that by the time he or she reaches pre-school and kindergarten he or she should be able to do fine on 10 to 12 hours a night of sleep without waking up. (See a chart of age vs. hours of sleep here: http://www.slumbersounds.com/baby-sleep-patterns-info.htm). By then, hopefully, the parents are once again also getting a full night’s sleep. But how do babies and their parents get from sleepless nights to toddler sleepy-head heaven? And how can a parent survive this?
One thing to keep in mind is that baby sleep cycles are much shorter than adult sleep cycles. They spend a larger portion of time in REM (rapid eye movement) sleep and only gradually move into more deep sleep in their cycles as they grow up. In general, they really aren’t able to stay up much longer than two hours at any one time. This will vary from child to child and from day to day, so it’s up to the parents or caregivers to watch for signs that the infant is indeed tired and needs to be put down.
Putting a baby down to sleep promptly after noticing indications that they are tired does two things. One, this keeps the baby from getting too tired and not being able to sleep. When a child, or anyone for that matter, is too tired or exhausted before going to bed it is much more difficult for them to fully relax and experience a restful, healthy sleep. Two, this helps the parents establish sleeping cues for their children. If a baby is rubbing his eyes, getting dark circles or rubbing his ears, and the parents pay attention and put him down to sleep then, the baby learns that when he feels tired, he needs to sleep. This is also a good time for parents to establish a routine for the child so he learns that, for example, when he lies down with a specific blanket in a dark room then it is time sleep.
According to the Baby Center, babies do distinguish day from night. They do generally sleep shorter amounts of time during the day and longer at night. Yet some children are, like some adults, natural night owls. It is up to the parents then to train their baby that night is for sleeping and day is for being awake. Again, in order to do this it is best to establish cues to help coach the child in the difference. If you have a baby that seems to be a bit of a night owl, make sure to not let him sleep through feedings during the day, play with him and keep him stimulated during the day, and don’t worry too much about keeping lights low or sounds quiet.
Once it is evening, however, make sure your baby understands that that is when it’s time to sleep. Lower the lighting, keep sounds on a quieter level and keep stimulation to a minimum. If your child has been out all day and it’s been a busy day, be aware that it will take longer for him to calm down and fall asleep, so put him down earlier. This will help the baby learn the difference between night and day and ultimately help the parents get a better night’s sleep, too.
In addition, when setting up the awake and sleep cues for your child, try to keep as many of the cues as independent of parent interaction as possible to ensure the baby will be able sleep whether with a baby sitter or on the road. This means that the sleep cues should be linked with a favorite blanket or toy, or maybe a radio or CD playing softly in the background, but not necessarily to a certain song that only the parent sings, or to a certain way a parent may rock their child.
Merino Kids makes an exceptional merino sleep sack (found here) made especially to hold infants in a warm, comfortable position while they sleep, regulating their body temperature and helping them feel secure. Having your baby use a sleeping bag like this would be an example of a good independent sleep cue. When they are put in the sleeping bag they know it’s time to relax and sleep. It’s time for bed. Establishing the cues and routines for your child is an important step in helping them set up healthy sleep patterns.
But what if your child is one of those who just has problems falling asleep, seems to wake at the drop of a hat, and is not able to relax into sleep at all? Studies at the Touch Research Institute indicate that massage therapy helps children who otherwise have problems sleeping to relax into sleep. According to this study, 10-day-old infants who were given half-hour massages once a day for 14 days slept better and established better sleep cycles than those children who were not given massage therapy. For example, using oil, a gentle tummy massage can ease gas and constipation. Start from the center of the baby’s tummy and work clockwise in a circular motion. Stroking a baby’s legs and feet, on the other hand, helps induce relaxation and keeps him or her from feeling so restless.
There are several other reasons why a baby is having problems getting to sleep, so it’s good to monitor their condition and be aware of what may be keeping them awake. For instance, if they are experiencing reflux then they will be uncomfortable. Some signs of reflux are choking, gagging and spitting up, but they could also just wake up crying. If you notice you child sleeps better in a stroller or bouncy seat than he does lying flat then this could be the case. In this case, try propping your child’s head a little higher than his feet when he’s sleeping. And talk to your doctor.
What are you consuming? Are you breast-feeding? If you’re drinking caffeinated drinks or eating sugary or sweet foods then if you’re breast-feeding, your baby could be ingesting those same foods. And it takes longer to work through your baby’s system.
Check the environmental systems. A child is more susceptible to cold and heat than an adult is. Colors and light are brighter and noises louder to a baby’s sense than they are to adult senses, so keep that in mind when setting up the environment where your child will be sleeping.
They could be going through a growth or developmental spurt, otherwise known as growing pains. If that is the case, then they should be through that phase in about a week.
Another thing to remember is that babies do need to eat more often than adults do, which sometimes gets forgotten in our busy days. They are growing and the need lots of little meals. If they keep waking up and can’t get back to sleep, trying feeding them and see if that helps.
One of the most important factors in a baby’s sleep patterns, however, is the health of the parent or parents. If a mom or dad is tired, stressed and exhausted, the baby will feel that and respond likewise. If a mother is too exhausted, she may produce less milk and make baby even more unhappy. If mom and dad are relaxed and well-rested, then the baby will feel safe and comforted and be able to rest and relax also.
While a “rested” parent might appear to be an impossibility when it comes to babies, there are several things parents can do to ensure they also get the rest they need. One of first things to do is remember that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help. If you aren’t getting the rest you need ask your partner or a friend or parent to watch your children while you get some much needed shut eye.
Another thing to bare in mind is that waking up for 3 a.m. feedings has probably messed with your own sleep cycles, so if you can’t seem to sleep most of the night even when your child is, then somehow your cycle has been knocked out of whack. It’s time to pay attention to your own sleep cues, give yourself time to settle down at night, and reset that sleep cycle clock. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of asking your doctor for chemical help, either. According to Olivia Gordon in the Sunday London Times (October 18, 2009), anxiety and exhaustion can lead to insomnia, which is not good for proper parenting and can also lead to postnatal depression. Sometimes a sleep aid will help re-establish your sleep cycle in a matter of weeks and get you back to feeling closer to your old self.
Finally, many parents have problems sleeping because basically they are hardwired after the birth of a baby to be extra sensitive to every sound that might be baby. New mothers usually spend 20% more time awake during the first six weeks after their child’s birth than is average. In addition, postpartum women sleep less and have less REM sleep than non-postpartum women and may also have anemia, thyroid or blood sugar problems if they had a difficult pregnancy. Add to this the common fear new mothers have that they don’t know how to be a good mother and you have the perfect storm for insomnia and exhaustion.
One thing to help alleviate some of this fear is to get a good baby monitor. With a good baby monitor, a parent doesn’t feel compelled to get up every time they hear a sound. Angelcare makes a deluxe model (found here) that combines both movement and sound. A sensor pad is placed beneath your child’s mattress so you can monitor his movements as well as any sounds he makes, as well as displaying the temperature of the nursery room on the parental unit. Fear and anxiety is often because of the unknown. What noise is that? Did he wake up? Did he turn on his tummy? Do I need to check? A baby monitor is one way a parent can be soothed and get some rest without having to jump up frequently at the least sound.
Good sleep is important for the health of your child; however, it’s not just your baby’s sleep cycle that’s important. Your health and the amount of sleep you get is just as important. Take the time to monitor your own condition as well as your child’s to make sure you both get the sleep you need.
